It's been more than a year since I first committed to words here some of the arc of my journey with illness and life. The fact that after all that time I'm around to write at all is a cause for celebration of sorts. More to the point though, is that lately I've missed writing. I know that the process is good for me. I want to do it more often.
So where am I now? It's complicated.
The bad news is that there has been a slow but sometimes seemingly relentless increase in the discomfort and dysfunction I experience on the right side of my face and neck. I have gradually increased the dosage of a medication I take for nerve pain. I am careful about what I eat, and in front of whom, because I cannot count on being able to eat neatly. I have less control over the right side of my mouth, and I can't open it very wide. Inconvenient. Sometimes embarrassing. Often frustrating. But, with patience and lots of napkins, I can still enjoy the food and flavors I love.
I recently told a friend with whom I was having lunch that my perfect food had become quesadillas, in every variety. Easy to manage in pieces, relatively flat for ease of insertion in mouth, and full of cheese! What's not to like? Of course I need to eat my vegetables, and I do. But a mango quesadilla is a wonderful thing.
The good news, I most fervently hope, is that I've been allowed to start taking Gleevec, a cancer medication that is only experimental in potential effectiveness against my particular cancer. But my heart lifted at the thought of doing SOMETHING. For I had found that despite all my best efforts to stay positive, to take good care of myself, to continue breathing in hope, there were moments when I despaired. So, adding something else to the arsenal has given me a boost. I've only been taking it for a week, so who knows what may or may not happen, but it's SOMETHING.
More later.
