A hard question, that one, at any time. Harder for me now that I know I face a third round of dealing with cancer, made more complicated by post-radiation side effects. Tomorrow I begin a series of hyperbaric oxygen treatments at UCSD Medical Center. Dressed in cotton scrubs I will enter a chamber that resembles a small submersible, don a transparent bee-keeper-like hood through which I will breathe oxygen, and ponder the possibilities of healing.
The treatment is set to last at least four weeks, maybe six, which will provide me lots of time for reflection. At the risk of navel-gazing, this blog will prompt me to record the ups and downs of this time in my life. Whereas with my last two bouts with cancer I was focused on getting to the other side, I sense that this time round I may need to dig a little deeper to stay in a positive frame of mind and I'd like something good to come of that. Whether it may be of value to anyone else, I do not know, but I'd like to believe it might be.
Over the next weeks I will strive to write honestly about the gamut my emotions and experiences will surely run, but for now I will go to bed and visualize breathing in hope.
I'm here with you TC. ♥
ReplyDeleteI am reminded of a video I saw when I was attending Goddard College in the early 1990's. It was a documentary (about orthodox Jewish women) made by a journalist who was in the midst of cancer treatments. The presenter, one of the faculty, esteemed the journalist highly, though said sadly that some in her profession thought her mention of her cancer in the documentary was unporfessional and said she had lacked objectivity. This was said during the discussion that followed the video. I found myself blurting out: "But that *was* her objectivity!" The faculty member blinked and asked, "*What* was her objectivity?" I replied, "That she allowed herself to be filmed while undergoing cancer treatments." She looked at me with new respect and nodded, and I could feel her relief in knowing that her esteemed journalist had perhaps been objective after all...!
I mention that in the context of you saying you have created this site "at the risk of navel gazing." I want to affirm that your willingness to share what you write as honestly as you are able about what you are experiencing, lends objectivity to what you are offering.
And anyway, what's so great about objectivity? LOL! It's not complete without subjectivity. So go ahead and let your words flow as subjectively as they need to. We, who walk this journey with you here, will assist your objectivity, helping to provide some balance.
And it's all about balance. The good thing about balance is that we don't have to be balanced every moment. We only need to be balanced over time. We can teeter and still not fall.
Still, if we fall, who catches us? Maybe that's a question for sometime under that hood. In the times in your life when you have fall a bit, who catches you?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehave fall = have fallen
ReplyDelete