I don't like the person that illness is making me. Can I reverse this? I hope so. I am finding myself becoming small and full of self-pity, and I don't like it. But it is hard to get outside the reality of how challenging things are becoming.
I don't like that my right eye won't blink or squint. I don't like that the right side of my mouth doesn't work. I don't like that it's so hard to eat sometimes I'm embarrassed, or I don't want to eat at all. I don't like that it's not very easy to go out and do things. It's easy sometimes to think, "What's the point?" There. I've said it.
And yet...I'm still here. And there are many things about my life for which I can be grateful. How to not think about what I imagine should be, about what I'd prefer to be? How to work it through? How to work it through?
Writing to the rescue?
Ah dear TC, I just tripped across your latest post.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds hard and at times harsh to be dealing with diminishment. I imagine it is not so easy to find the right balance of grieving, accepting, fighting and resting. Are you expecting a steady continuation of loss of ability or will you have plateaus? Are you able to use a straw? If yes, then I imagine it could give you a little more confidence for drinking beverages in public. Which foods are easiest? Leave these as rhetorical questions if they're not helpful.
Please know that I'm heartglad you're writing again. Thanks for letting me be a reader and a friend. I'm glad you're still here. I'm still here too.
Love and Gentlenesses, June